I am a trained Collaborative Family Law Divorce lawyer.

The Oxford English Dictionary, the most widely accepted complete record of the English language ever assembled, defines dignity as the quality of being worthy or honorable; worthiness, worth, nobleness, excellence.  Merriam-Webster defines dignity as the quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed. Isn’t that how you would like to describe yourself after your divorce? Wouldn’t you want your children to see these types of attributes of their parents after the divorce? I am a product of divorced parents and I would not use any of these terms to describe how my parents perceived each other.

I do not remember ever living with my mother and father. My parents divorced, as I am told when I was about two years old.

Therefore, I also do not remember any arguments or conflicts between my parents in our home. However, based on the lack of a relationship and how I viewed my father as a child, I suspect my parents did not end their relationship with dignity.  The view that I had of my father would last his lifetime.

I do not recall my mother ever having anything bad to say about my father, but I also do not recall my mother ever having anything good to say about my father either. As a young child, what I did know was that my father was supposed to pay child support and he did not on a regular basis, and that my mother then, did not always have money for the things I needed. What I did know is that once my father purchased, I believe, two dresses for me, that had to stay at his house.

This lack of a positive view of my father resulted in my father and I not having much of a relationship at all.

I started my Collaborative Divorce training in 2024 after helping families with various Family Law matters for over 21 years. Almost all of the cases in which I helped families were through traditional litigation. Litigation that possibly left a mother without anything positive to say regarding a father. Litigation that may have left a mother frustrated enough to communicate with her child about the lack of financial support from the child’s father. Litigation that perhaps left a father financially not able to support himself and a child in another household.

What Collaborative Divorce does is help families divorce with dignity. Dignity? Yes, dignity. The Collaborative Divorce approach is a settlement process that focuses on helping couples and their families find their way to a respectful resolution. This process helps all family members, even extended family, learn how to move forward in a positive way – focused on the future, rather than dwelling on arguments and disputes of the past. Parents divorcing collaboratively are better able to protect their children from the damaging effects of a highly contentious divorce and preserve more of their mutual respect for each other as parents (Collaborativedivorcetexas.com).

There was a time when each spouse honored and respected each other, and each spouse can continue to do so as they choose to divorce. There can already be a sense of fear, of the unknown, of how things will be once the divorce is finalized. Why add anger to the process?

Collaborative Divorce allows families to move from their positions to interests. Collaborative Divorce allows families to discuss interests that will not only benefit each of them but in the long run benefit their child(ren). With each party’s interests being met in a Collaborative Divorce, a mother may have positive things to say about a father. With each party’s interest being met in a Collaborative Divorce, a mother may have less frustration about finances and have enough finances to meet the child’s needs. With each party’s interests being met in a Collaborative Divorce, a father may have a different financial future for himself and his child.

If you have decided to end your marriage, please contact me at the start of the Collaborative Divorce process. Attorney Denise W. Lewis, denise@collaborativetxdivorce.com

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